Top 50 Skills to Master as a New Dad

This list of top 50 skills to master as a new dad is sure to make you the top dog among all dads in record time. Some skills may be useful while others may be totally useless, but overall, they show just how influential dads can be in our lives.

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Whether it’s grilling or being the loudest yawner in the family, being a dad requires a combination of hard skills and soft skills. Fathering in general is all about trial and error – you want to do the right thing for your family and kids. Sometimes it doesn’t always go right and you might end up being the one everyone jokes about. Good or bad outcome, your skills always tend to generate a lifetime’s worth of memories.

This post is all about top skills to master as a new dad

Top 50 Skills

Everyone assumes dads to be good at dad jokes or be the self-anointed lord of the thermostat. In honor of fathers everywhere, I’ve compiled the list of top skills to master as a new dad. This post is meant to be a light hearted take on the stereotypical dad. Treat it as funny advice to relive some of your first-time father anxiety

Starting the Lawn Mower with one pull of the chain

Catching a Fly with your bare hands

Hauling all the groceries in a single trip

Opening jars bare handed

Killing flies with a salt shotgun

Sneezing loudly

Going on multiple hardware store trips

Stepping on Legos and surviving

Being the first one in the family to lose your patience

Testing the tongs at least twice before using them

Farting loudly and pretending nobody noticed

Yawning loudly

Catching things right before they fall to the ground

Being grumpy all the time

Competitive grilling

Programming the thermostat

Knowing when someone has changed the temperature

Knowing whether lights are on in a room without actually being there

Turning off lights left on in rooms no one is using

Picking up items with your toes

Tossing dirty clothes in the laundry hamper like a basketball

Not hearing (or pretending to hear) what the wife says

Falling asleep in minutes

Parallel parking in a single try

Being the loudest person at your kid’s sports events

Always being the one to plunge the toilet

Being the self-appointed keeper of the TV remote

Cleaning off poop streams with your piss

Duct taping everything

Applying WD-40 on anything that remotely squeaks

Wheeling both trash and recycling containers to the curb in a single trip

Throwing diapers into the trash from across the room

Procrastinating the Honey-Do list

Consuming multiple beers while procrastinating on the honey-do list

Mowing the yard faster than the neighbor

Killing Spiders with Nerf Gun darts

Giving your kids the Dad stare

Guessing your Wife/Girlfriend’s panty colors

Brining midgets into every debate

Refusing to read instruction manuals

Owning a pair of white New Balances

Cooking microwave popcorn to its max without burning it

Cooking bacon while shirtless

Breaking down cardboard boxes for the recycling container

Having Ninja Like reflexes when your kids are about to trip/fall

Stopping the microwave with 1sec left

Stopping the fuel pump on the dollar without prepaying

Grilling with a beverage in hand

Being able to open a beer bottle with anything

Answering questions with a question or better yet, a dad joke

Undoing really tight knots

Updating software in every device on the day of its release

Always answering the phone with a “Yello”

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