Top 50 Skills to Master as a New Dad
This list of top 50 skills to master as a new dad is sure to make you the top dog among all dads in record time. Some skills may be useful while others may be totally useless, but overall, they show just how influential dads can be in our lives.
Whether it’s grilling or being the loudest yawner in the family, being a dad requires a combination of hard skills and soft skills. Fathering in general is all about trial and error – you want to do the right thing for your family and kids. Sometimes it doesn’t always go right and you might end up being the one everyone jokes about. Good or bad outcome, your skills always tend to generate a lifetime’s worth of memories.
This post is all about top skills to master as a new dad
Top 50 Skills
Everyone assumes dads to be good at dad jokes or be the self-anointed lord of the thermostat. In honor of fathers everywhere, I’ve compiled the list of top skills to master as a new dad. This post is meant to be a light hearted take on the stereotypical dad. Treat it as funny advice to relive some of your first-time father anxiety
Starting the Lawn Mower with one pull of the chain
Catching a Fly with your bare hands
Hauling all the groceries in a single trip
Opening jars bare handed
Killing flies with a salt shotgun
Sneezing loudly
Going on multiple hardware store trips
Stepping on Legos and surviving
Being the first one in the family to lose your patience
Testing the tongs at least twice before using them
Farting loudly and pretending nobody noticed
Yawning loudly
Catching things right before they fall to the ground
Being grumpy all the time
Competitive grilling
Programming the thermostat
Knowing when someone has changed the temperature
Knowing whether lights are on in a room without actually being there
Turning off lights left on in rooms no one is using
Picking up items with your toes
Tossing dirty clothes in the laundry hamper like a basketball
Not hearing (or pretending to hear) what the wife says
Falling asleep in minutes
Parallel parking in a single try
Being the loudest person at your kid’s sports events
Always being the one to plunge the toilet
Being the self-appointed keeper of the TV remote
Cleaning off poop streams with your piss
Duct taping everything
Applying WD-40 on anything that remotely squeaks
Wheeling both trash and recycling containers to the curb in a single trip
Throwing diapers into the trash from across the room
Procrastinating the Honey-Do list
Consuming multiple beers while procrastinating on the honey-do list
Mowing the yard faster than the neighbor
Killing Spiders with Nerf Gun darts
Giving your kids the Dad stare
Guessing your Wife/Girlfriend’s panty colors
Brining midgets into every debate
Refusing to read instruction manuals
Owning a pair of white New Balances
Cooking microwave popcorn to its max without burning it
Cooking bacon while shirtless
Breaking down cardboard boxes for the recycling container
Having Ninja Like reflexes when your kids are about to trip/fall
Stopping the microwave with 1sec left
Stopping the fuel pump on the dollar without prepaying
Grilling with a beverage in hand
Being able to open a beer bottle with anything
Answering questions with a question or better yet, a dad joke
Undoing really tight knots
Updating software in every device on the day of its release
Always answering the phone with a “Yello”
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